Relapse
by Chocolatheque
Summary: ABANDONED. He has lived his whole life as a lonely and dependent individual. This newfound dependence on his sister is by no means an improvement.
1. What if

_AN: len's an ugly butt with no friends_

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><p>"I do remember something, but it's not a lot. It's more like a general impression, the ghost of a feeling, than a full-blown memory. I remember that I was small, or the world was just bigger. I remember that I was with a little girl with an infectious smile. And I remember that we were happy."<p>

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><p>I was nine when I started asking a lot of questions. I knew I still had a mom and a sister, and like all impetuous and curious children, I naturally wanted to know more. I asked things like, was my mom pretty? Did my sister like to draw pictures, too? I asked sometimes why I couldn't see them, and my sweet Auntie would answer all of my incessant inquiries dutifully. But I was also a perceptive child, and I could see the way she would tense up when I asked about them. It was probably beyond my mental capacity at the time, though, to read between the lines and pinpoint just what was so uncomfortable about them—especially my mother, it seemed—that made my Auntie so flustered.<p>

At age fourteen, I was old enough to realize that she was scared. Not scared of my mom or sister themselves, but scared of losing me to them. From what I understood, she had taken me in at a young age—must have been very young, for I had no recollection of it—with the intention of sending me back to them as soon as possible, but something happened that extended my stay. She never said anything on the subject, but I knew she cared deeply about me. I had a feeling that she'd grown attached to me, and honestly, I was attached to her too. Auntie Meiko and her boyfriend Kaito had always been my only immediate family for as long as I could remember, and though I certainly wondered about the family I had left behind, I didn't want to jeopardize what I already had.

Because what I had was fine the way it was. Auntie was plenty motherly enough for me, and if asking to return to family members I didn't even really know was going to upset her, then I preferred to avoid the subject entirely. Auntie was a pretty woman just barely in her early thirties, and she was always busy with work. She had a wild streak and would sometimes be loud or rash, but above anything, she was tender. She was always making the time to be there for my school events, always doing her best to provide for me, always meeting my whims and going out of her way to let me know that I was loved. She could be coarse, but her voice was always soothing and soft on nights when I had a bad dream or thought there was a monster outside my window. She could be strict, but her rules were never anything but well-justified and in place for my own benefit. Some of my peers would even take note of and express envy over my solid relationship with Auntie. "I wish I were that close to _my_ mom," a few of them said on different occasions, and I would just smile. It was by no means a relationship bereft of conflict or issues, but I was happy with Auntie, and I hoped she was too. I loved her.

So that's why I never asked about the mother and sister that distressed her so.

When I turned sixteen, she asked me to sit down at the table across from her. Her expression was full of conflict, and Kaito was resting a reassuring hand on one of hers. With a soft sigh, she told me that she felt it was wrong of her to have kept me to herself all those years, and she offered to tell me everything about my "real family."

Initially, I declined. I was still curious about them, but I wouldn't settle for her selling herself short like that. She and Kaito were as real to me as any other family. My sense of loyalty took prevalence over curiosity. I told her as such, and we argued for a little bit before deciding that it would be okay for her to at least explain to me what all had happened and what kind of people they were.

"When you were about two," she began evenly, putting a few too many sugar cubes into her coffee, "my brother—your father—started having strokes. They kept getting worse and worse, until he finally… passed away. Meanwhile, your mother lived so far away from the rest of the family out here, and she was having trouble coming up with enough money on her own to support herself and two children. But… your mother is stubborn. She didn't want to have to change everything."

Kaito nodded and added, "Losing your father was hard on her, so it was natural for her to want to hold onto familiar things."

"Right. Though she realized after a while that that wasn't realistic, so she asked me to come and take you two for a little while. 'Just long enough for me to get things together,' she said. But when I came to take you two away, her resolve crumbled. She couldn't stand the idea of being alone and begged me not to take both of you away."

"So she kept Rin, and I ended up staying with you for longer than you expected, right?" I raised an eyebrow. Part of me wondered why it was me and not my sister, but I had a feeling that it'd be better if I didn't ask.

Auntie bit her lip. "Yeah. At… at first, it was only supposed to be for a couple of months. But finding a better job was hard for her, and then the months became years, and I was already completely attached to you… I think she could tell that I didn't want to give you up, so even once she got a new job, she kept giving me a little bit more time, a little bit more time. Then you were old enough to start going to school, and we didn't want to force such huge changes onto you all at once, and it was just... It was too late. It was a mess."

"And now you're already sixteen," Kaito chuckled softly, reaching over to tousle my hair. His large hand was warm and reassuring. "I remember when you just a little guy."

I nodded without a word, still processing everything. I had heard brief, abridged versions of this story, but I had never really known the details surrounding my separation. It seemed a little more complicated than what was being presented to me, but for the time being, I decided to just take Auntie's words at face value and figure out the technicalities later.

Auntie took both of my hands into hers and gave me the most heartbreaking expression. "Len, please forgive me. I've been selfish. I think it's time for you to go back to your family."

"What?" I felt my chest tighten in fear, and I recoiled my hands. "No… no! I don't want to leave, Auntie! I'm happy here with you and Kaito!"

"Not permanently, honey!" she quickly replied with wide eyes, as if the idea scared her too. "Absolutely not! I mean, not unless that was what you wanted! I just mean as a visit over the summer… I would have tried to send you over there for visits before, but the tickets are so expensive, and I was scared to send you on a plane alone… But Kaito helped me buy a ticket, and you're a young man now. So I think it would be the right thing to do."

I relaxed a tiny bit at this. Okay, if it were only temporary, then that wasn't so bad. But I still felt rattled. The questions drifting around my mind almost distracted me from understanding what Kaito said next.

"Mei and I have been saving money for college for you too, since you deserve it, and we didn't want to put that burden on your mother. So that's why it took a while to afford a ticket." Kaito gave me his signature smile, graceless and a little goofy, but full of nothing but kind thoughts. Auntie smiled more sheepishly, like she was embarrassed for me to know about this.

It was the first I had heard of such savings. These two were really always going out of their way to look out for me, and it was touching. I knew that I was lucky to have their unconditional, selfless love. I choked up for a little bit before finally being able to say, "…Thank you."

"So," Auntie said after a swig of coffee. "Do well on your finals so that you can have a fun summer break!"

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><p>The last couple of weeks of school passed without much hassle. I was studious and didn't have that much of a social life to distract me from exam cramming, anyway, so I was already well-prepared. Quizzes and tests came and went one by one, and despite everything, I found that the thing weighing heaviest on my mind was not formulas or essays, but my own personal thoughts.<p>

The whole prospect of staying with my estranged mother and sister for all of summer presented many questions and concerns. For example, I wanted to be able to get along well with my sister like most of my peers did with _their_ siblings, but we were both on the brink of adulthood now. We'd grown up almost our entire lives without sibling involvement, and there was going to be an absent level of intimacy. Would I feel like an intrusion to Rin? What if she didn't want to spend time with me at all? She might even become jealous of me. I was going to be splitting her—our—mother's attention into two, when it had always been focused on only one child. She could be resistant to that.

I had my own fair share of concerns—if not, more—pertaining to my mother, too. Was I going to feel like a burden? Auntie told me that mother was doing well enough to support herself and Rin now, but I'd be another mouth to feed. I didn't know exactly _how_ well off my mother was now, so would I be a strain on her? I feared that she wouldn't want to spend time with me, either. It'd be the worst if both she and Rin wanted nothing to do with me.

And I guess that led up to my biggest fear. Why did she let me go in the first place? It wasn't like I regretted being given to Auntie Meiko at all, but I wanted to know why it was me and not Rin. Perhaps it was something as simple as her handing over whoever was most easily picked up. Maybe Auntie chose me herself. Or maybe I cried more than Rin, and my mother wanted the easier one to take care of. Maybe she wanted a girl to relate to. It could have been any number of tiny, insignificant reasons, but the answer I feared the most was that she did not want me around.

And if that were so, how much worse would I be to her now? Certainly, toddlers came with their own set of problems, but I knew that teenagers came with more. I didn't think I was too rebellious or particularly ill-behaved; Auntie had raised me well, and I had quiet tendencies anyway. But even still, I couldn't help panicking. All day and sometimes late into the night, my thoughts were consumed with "what ifs." What if, what if, what if.

What if she didn't love me?

I winced silently at the thought and went back to preparing for my Biology exam. It was my last test, and after that, it would be time to start packing.

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><p><em>AN: as sexy as my note at the top was, i feel like i probably ought to put a little disclaimer here i guess augh<br>um, well, i guess it's stupid for me to say this, but i suppose it's fairly obvious from the summary and the genres this story is categorized under that this will eventually be len x rin? and they are, in fact, twins by blood in this particular story. which means twincest, which i am frankly not a fan of (i prefer len and rin as non-twins), but there's a reason i'm doing this.  
>i want to write about this kind of relationship as realistically as i can. i know there's plenty of stories about these two that touch briefly on the FORBIDDEN TSUINSESTO LABU, but i'd like to look at the emotional and social conflict a little more? i guess. i don't really know. i can't guarantee that this will actually be realistic or good at all, ahghgfd so let me just stop talking now um<br>basically i just wanted to write a more challenging, less conventional romance. since most of my romance boils down to "character A falls in love wih B, they are awkward, they confess, they are both happy and in love, the end yay"  
>yeah.<br>i'm dumb and this author's note is dumb and this first chapter is dumb cries i'm really sorry_


	2. It'll be fine

_AN: it's 3:31 AM i'm so tired what's happening i don't know what's_

_uhh_

_well um, thanks a bunch for the feedback, guys! i changed the rating to T by your requests, although aside from the ideologically sensitive concept of "incest," there probably won't be anything overly offensive…? probably. not sure. but oh well. i changed it anyway!_

_i don't know anything about planes because i've never been near one, so don't laugh at me if the plane-stuff is inaccurate :(_

_len is still hideous and friendless_

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><p>Today was the day, and I felt a strange sort of pressure weighing against me. Or maybe that was just my two heavy suitcases threatening to pop either of my arms out of their sockets. Either way, I wobbled out of the apartment to be greeted by Auntie. She was already in her little, red car and ready to go.<p>

"Come on, Len! We're going to miss your plane if we don't leave soon!" she shouted jovially, giving her horn a couple of unnecessary honks. I just smiled and shook my head, then heaved my luggage into the trunk. She seemed more enthusiastic about this trip than I was.

I stood back and took one last look at our apartment before hopping into the passenger's seat. Our apartment was old and it wore its age, but it wasn't in a total state of disrepair, either. Even with its dirty windows and peeling paint, it was home. Watching it slide out of my vision and into the distance sort of finalized everything for me, and I felt sad seeing the familiar sight become a mere dot in the horizon. I would only be gone a few months, I reminded myself, but regardless, I couldn't shake the heavy feeling.

I suddenly thought of the peers I was leaving behind, and that was exponentially more upsetting. It dawned on me that I hadn't felt close enough to anyone to even bother telling them I'd be gone all summer. I mean, I had buddies at school that I hung out with after class on occasion, but other than that… Was I really that anti-social? A few names flashed through my head. Acquaintances, colleagues, pals. My mind didn't really apply the word "friend" to any of them, though. My face scrunched up in perplexity. I blamed it on the busy semester and tried not to dwell on it any further.

But Auntie must have noticed my strange expressions out of the corner of her eye, because she immediately said, "Hey, honey! Don't be scared about the trip, okay? Planes can actually be pretty fun." She was more observant than that, and I had a feeling she knew that my sudden turmoil was _not_ over the plane ride. She probably just wanted to make light conversation to get my mind off things. That in itself just showed how well she knew me, I suppose.

"I'll try not to worry, then," I replied through a half-hearted smile. Excluding phone calls, this would be the last time I could talk to her for months, and I wanted it to be a pleasant conversation. "I've got a new book I've been wanting to read, so that should keep me distracted."

Auntie laughed. "Just be careful you don't get airsick, okay? I know you have a weak stomach." She reached over and poked me in the tummy. I reeled away from the contact.

"Keep both hands on the wheel, please, Auntie," I said with a scowl but a playful tone. Auntie laughed again. She always laughed too much and too loudly, but I liked that about her. She made everything seem more amusing than it really was. Without even really understanding why, I chuckled a little too.

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><p>When we got to the airport, she called Kaito, explaining that he wanted to say bye to me over the phone since work had prevented him from seeing me off in person. I exchanged a sincere farewell with my surrogate father, tightly embraced my aunt like the fearful child that I was, and waved goodbye as I left to board my plane. I imagined Auntie's smooth, always well-manicured hand holding mine and leading the way like she had when I was small, and then I felt ashamed of myself for being so immature. She wasn't always going to be there to hold my hand—in all senses of the phrase—and I needed to stop fretting about treading unknown territory. That was just a part of growing up.<p>

Once I had settled into my seat, I peaked out the window in the hopes of seeing her once last time. However, I could not find her face in the crowds of strangers. When the plane took off, I gripped the sides of my seat and fancied that my heart had been left somewhere on the ground back at the airport. That's how it felt, anyway.

Paranoia settled in again, and those pesky "what ifs" started buzzing around my head like a big, fat fly. I pulled out my new book and tried to force myself to be interested in it. It only took about five pages for me to realize that I did, in fact, have a weak stomach… Or perhaps I was just that nervous. Either way, my insides started doing acrobatics.

I spent most of the rest of the flight trying to sleep off nausea.

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><p>When I woke up, I had a brief moment of panic. <em>Shoot, did I fall asleep in class? Did someone see me? Wait, I'm on vacation now. Where am I?<em> A few frenzied scans of my surroundings reminded me that I was still on a plane. I exhaled and sunk back into my seat. The sound of a woman giggling chimed.

"Are you feeling better?" asked the red haired girl sitting next to me. I remembered, ah, yeah, I had seen her briefly when we were boarding the plane. I was too distracted by my nausea afterwards, though, so I had forgotten that she was even there. I felt embarrassed that she saw… well, everything, but I tried to ignore my embarrassment in favor of manners.

"Yeah, I'm okay now, I think. Thanks." I rubbed the back of my head. My short ponytail was in a ridiculous state of disarray, half of the hair having escaped its rubber band. I grunted and tugged the rubber band out of the tangled mess.

"Here, I can fix it for you," the girl offered, putting out an expectant hand. I would have preferred to do it myself, but she looked harmless and well-meaning, and I hated the thought of turning her down. With some hesitation, I gave her the band and turned my back towards her, muttering a brief thanks.

"My name's Miki, by the way," she said amiably, combing my hair back with her fingers. "So what are you headed over to the west coast for?"

"Visiting family for the summer. Oh, and I'm Len." I wished she would hurry up. It was seriously awkward to have an older girl I didn't even know raking through my hair. "What about you?"

At last, she slipped the band on and struggled to wrap it tightly around my unruly mop. When she was done, I faced her and mumbled another quick thanks. I reached up to assess her work. It was nice and neat. Not bad.

"I've got a boyfriend out here, so we're hanging out a little for the summer too." She lit up like a Christmas tree, excitement apparent on her face. "I almost never get to see him, so I've really been looking forward to this!"

She was a decently pretty girl, probably at least a few years my senior. Her long, red hair looked clean and well-kept, but that didn't stop a few ridiculous cowlicks from springing out of submission. There was one particularly prominent cowlick at the very crown of her head, jutting straight into the air with a slight curl, seemingly defying all laws of gravity. If I didn't have better self-control, I would have been tempted to pull on it and see if it would spring back into place.

"I see," I said with a nod, trying to sound interested. I still wasn't feeling great, and honestly, I was more interested in figuring out how much longer it would be until we reached our destination. I took a couple of anxious peeks out the window.

"Oh, we should be landing in about half an hour," she informed me, as if reading my mind.

"Ah," I exhaled, settling back into my seat and wondering if it was worth it to even bother trying to read more of my book before we arrived.

Miki shut down that option by striking more conversation. Apparently, she was very eager to have someone to talk to. Perhaps she hadn't brought anything to entertain her, because I certainly wasn't the best conversationalist. "So, who are you visiting exactly? Grandparents? Cousins?"

I was hoping to avoid that subject.

I coughed and mumbled a little before finally answering audibly, "Um, my mother and sister…"

She made an overly dramatic expression of mortification, as if she had accidentally just stabbed me. "Oh gee, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to pry into uncomfortable territory… It's okay, my parents are divorced too…"

I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cough some more. I opted for coughing, as that seemed more suited for this situation. "Umm, they're not… divorced. My dad died a long time ago, and I've been living with my aunt ever since."

It took a lot of will-power to keep myself from laughing at the progression of horror on her face. If her expression had been funny before, it was downright hilarious now. I felt guilty for making her feel… well, guilty, but the exaggerated, almost comical way her mouth gaped open and her hands flailed around was too much.

"Oh gosh! Oh geez! I'm so, so, so, so sorry! I didn't—I mean, oh gosh—I'm sorry, I am such a moron! I'm seriously sorry, I didn't realize…"

"It's okay, really," I said, unable to prevent a small chuckle from slipping. It was probably completely inappropriate of me, but I laughed anyway. "It happened a long time ago, and I was really young, so to be honest, it doesn't really bother me."

"A-are you sure?" she whimpered, searching my tone for honesty. "Seriously, if you're upset, please don't hold back. You can even cry on my shoulder if you want. I'm super sorry."

I snorted and politely turned down the offer. "I mean it. It's fine. I just didn't really want to talk about it because it's been, like, thirteen or fourteen years since I've seen them, and I'm kind of nervous."

At the mere mention of my nervousness, my stomach started flipping again. I gritted my teeth and tried to ignore it.

"Ohh, I see…" Miki bit her lip thoughtfully. Her cowlick almost looked like it was twitching as she thought, but I'm sure that was just my imagination. Or my airsickness. "Wow, that's a long time. You're probably worried about how well you'll get along with them, right? Sorry, am I being too nosy?"

Yes, she was, but I shook my head no. "I'm a little worried about it."

"Well, I'm sure it'll be fine!" she assured passionately. I didn't really feel reassured, since she knew nothing of me, my family, or the circumstances, so she had no basis to be so sure things would be fine. But even still, she seemed convinced. "You seem like a good boy. Just in case you need anything or want advice, here's my cell phone number, okay?"

She jotted a number and address down onto a random scrap of paper that she rooted out of her purse. I noticed that the address wasn't that far away from my mother's residence. I had no intention to actually ever call upon the aid of this peculiar woman, but I took the paper anyway. Miki was very good at making it hard to say no.

"Thanks," I said, slipping the number into my pocket. A flight attendant announced over the intercom that everyone needed to return to their seats and buckle up. I was already in position, so I just shrugged my shoulders and went back to staring out the window. Admittedly, I did feel a little less jittery after talking to Miki. Whether it was because of what had been said, or just the fact that I let out some pent-up energy by talking, I didn't really know.

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><p>After we landed, Miki helped me locate my luggage before bidding me a brief farewell, reminding me to call her if I needed it, and running off to find a taxi. I was left to look around the airport stupidly. I knew I was supposed to meet up with my sister, but the airport was big, and there were a lot of people. How was I supposed to find her? Should I stay put or go search for her?<p>

My legs felt stiff, so I decided to walk around, even though it was against my better judgment. Worst case scenario, I supposed I could call Auntie to get mother's phone number, and then find out if Rin had a cell phone on her…

I should have asked for those in the first place. Frowning slightly at this huge oversight, I grumbled and walked over to a vending machine. It contained nothing but junk food, but I was hungry and everything looked good. We exchanged a dollar for a chocolate bar. I gnawed idly on my prize while wandering about some more.

Literally right as I was about to give up and fish out my cell phone, another body collided into me at such a velocity that I was knocked right off my feet. I would have been making out with the floor were it not for the other being's quick reflexes, hastily grabbing me by one arm and yanking me back onto a stable surface. It all happened within approximately a two-second timespan.

"LEN!" the perpetrator of the human car crash exclaimed, forcibly spinning me around to face her. For the owner of such small hands and thin arms, this person possessed an alarming amount of strength that I was too startled to struggle against. I blinked about six times before realizing it was my sister.

"Uh, whuh… Rin?" I grunted unintelligibly. I immediately regretted the words the moment they left my mouth. Great first impression, me. Mumbling like a brain-damaged barbarian. But what was to be expected? I had just seen my life flash before my eyes. And come to think of it, I think my chocolate met an untimely death too. I spotted it under Rin's right foot. I didn't bother to point it out, though, and instead went to work in collecting my dropped luggage.

"Len!" she blurted again, this time at a less ear-shattering volume, looking rather embarrassed herself. Her hair was tousled and she sounded out of breath. "Sorry, I-I didn't mean to tackle you like that! I was looking everywhere for you, and I didn't want to lose track of you..."

"Sorry, I probably should have stayed put when I arrived," I apologized with a sheepish smile.

"It's okay! Um…" She fidgeted with her hands for a bit before putting one out. It was a thin, shaky hand that I realized bore a striking resemblance to my own. "I guess… it's nice to meet you? Right?"

We exchanged nervous giggles. I shook my head and said, "No, it's… This isn't the first time. It's good to see you again." I put my bags back down and awkwardly held out my arms.

I mentally chided myself, _This is stupid and cheesy, she's gonna laugh at me, what am I doing_, but she broke into a wide grin and collided into me again, wrapping tentative arms around my waist.

"It's good to see you again," she echoed with another strained giggle.

It was surreal, hugging someone I hardly knew, but was _supposed_ to know, and used to know. She released me pretty quickly, and there was a lot of weird, uneasy atmosphere left hanging between us. We didn't say much after that.

Basically, it was just really awkward.

Awkward, awkward, awkward. But I was beginning to feel excitement, too. She seemed willing enough to accept me, and that was a relief. I looked forward to getting to know her and our mother. I started believing—even if only a little bit—what Miki had said.

"It'll be fine."

I hoped and prayed it would be fine. I really wanted it to be.


	3. Good night

_AN: i'm glad y'all like my author's notes so much_  
><em>i put my heart and soul and spit into them<em>  
><em>…ewww<em>

_btw you guys should go review yams are delicious and moobman's stories because they are sexy!_

_insert obligatory insult to len_  
><em>this chapter is short and boring just like len<em>  
><em>there we go<em>

_edit: hooooly crap i accidentally wrote that kaito was one of rin's friends even though that makes NO SENSE UMM i totally meant to write ted. i swear. don't laugh at me oh my gosh this is why you don't write stories at five AM, okay kiddies? okay._

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><p>Rin's car keys jingled against her assorted keychain charms as she revved up the engine. "Technically," she said, "I only have my learner's permit, so I <em>should<em>be driving with a licensed adult, but Mom wasn't feeling well earlier, so I told her I could pick you up on my own… Anyway, I'm a good driver and it's only, like, a ten minute drive."

I shrugged and smiled indifferently at her explanation. Inwardly, a part of me was grateful that things had worked out that way. While I was eager to see my mother, it also seemed rather overwhelming to be dealing with two "new" people at the same time. Being alone with Rin, even if it were only for a short ride, would give me a chance to familiarize myself with one of them in advance. I really wanted to wade slowly into this whole situation. Figuratively speaking, I felt like Auntie had always been my safety ring, and now that I was in the deep end without her, I wanted to be sure I wasn't jumping into dangerous water. One toe at a time.

Mostly, I just didn't like the idea of being tossed into a scenario that I was unfamiliar with and didn't understand. I was largely a fan of the predictable.

With that thought in mind, I figured I might as well get a head start on my assessment of Rin. A few brief side glances was all I dared to steal, as I didn't want her to catch me and think strangely of me, nor did I want to distract her attention from the road (especially since she'd be in a lot of trouble for her lack of license if anything went wrong). She was cute and petite—probably barely pushing five feet, but then again, my own measurements weren't that much more impressive. The thing that stood out to me the most was that her hair was essentially the same color as mine: a honey blonde, short and light. She, however, seemed to be more accepting of her hair's natural curl, whereas I personally did everything I could to keep my accursed locks from becoming wavy. It looked better on her than me, though. Her attire was casual enough. Red denim shorts and a lacy tank top.

After that quick cursory analysis, I adverted my attention elsewhere and tried to strategize what would be the best way to start a conversation.

"So," she said suddenly, beating me to the punch. "How was the flight?"

"Huh? Oh, it was good," I replied with a shrug. "I've never been on a plane before though, so I kinda freaked out a little at first."

"Aww, poor thing. You're better now, right?"

"Yeah." My stomach growled in protest, so I added, "Just a little hungry."

"Haha, we'll have dinner when we get home."

There was a quiet interlude in our conversation after that, so I seized the opportunity. "So, Rin, what kind of… food… do you like?"

Rin's face scrunched up thoughtfully. "Umm, well, most any kind of fruit. I'm a vegetarian—sort of—so I try to avoid meats. Otherwise, I have no real preferences."

"Ah, I see. Neat. Do you have any other interests?" I wanted to smack myself. Why was I so bad at having conversations like a normal human being?

My inability to communicate didn't seem to faze her, though, as she simply answered, "Hmm, I've been on a rhythmic gymnastics team for the last couple of years."

Ah, so that was where her strength came from. "Yeah? That's cool."

"Yeah, I've got a really great team. We all get along really well for the most part. You should come see us practice some time! And, umm, what else… I like going out with everyone for karaoke, and I collect stuffed animals, and sometimes I go out horseback riding with my friend Miku…"

Wow. I was beginning to understand that the sociability genes all went to my sister. She continued on to tell me a story about a time she and her friends dragged a teacher to karaoke with them and got him to sing some girl group's song, and apparently it was hilarious, and then she told me about another time when she was out shopping with some other gal pal, and they tried on men's clothes, and Rin just couldn't get over how well it suited her friend, and et cetera…

We arrived when she was in the middle of telling me about a time a horse stepped on her friend Ted's foot, and I never got to hear the exciting conclusion of his hospital trip. We parked in the driveway of a quaint little building. I followed Rin to the front door, apprehension bubbling up in the pit of my stomach.

"Mom, we're home!" Rin called as she locked the door behind us. The house looked small. Just from where we were, I could see the entirety of the family room, the kitchen behind a half wall, and a small hallway that I presumed led to bedrooms. But it was a cozy-small, rather than a crowded-small. Everything looked well cared for.

"Welcome home!" a voice echoed from the kitchen, and I heard a quick clatter of dishes before a tiny woman shuffled into view. She was maybe barely a couple inches taller than me. At least now I knew where our impressive statures came from. Hair color, too. Her hair was the same shade as mine and Rin's, draping all the way down to her hips. She looked young—surprisingly so. I supposed well-aging women also ran in our family.

Before I knew what was happening, she had scooped me and Rin into a tight embrace. I returned the uncomfortable group hug with a bit of hesitation. This woman—the woman who I only knew through stories and photos—was Auntie's sister, Lily Kagamine.

"Welcome home," she repeated in a voice weighed by more emotion than before. "Len."

Hearing my name in her voice struck me strangely. Not that it was necessarily good or bad. I gave her a weak smile. "Hi, Mom."

* * *

><p>After exchanging a casual conversation pertaining mostly to my flight, I ate dinner with Mom and Rin. Mom seemed eager to ask about my home life, and I wondered briefly if she was worried that Auntie was raising me poorly or something along those lines, but upon receiving a semi-thorough rundown of my living situation, she seemed satisfied.<p>

While decent at keeping a conversation rolling, I noticed that Mom did not possess the ability to talk endlessly about anything like Rin did. Mom was content with giggling quietly and occasionally interjecting a comment or two when appropriate. Even the way she held herself reflected these reserved tendencies. Her arms were always pressed firmly against her sides, as if she were trying to take up as little space as possible. There didn't seem to be any particular reason for this, but it stuck out to me because I sort of carried myself in a similar fashion.

Once we finished eating, I helped her and Rin catch up on a large mountain of dishes piled up in the sink. We scrubbed and chatted and made a big, soapy mess. I felt happy and relieved to be able to have a pleasant family bonding moment with them right off the bat.

By the time it was 8 PM, I was already sleepy—probably due to both jet lag and a mentally exhausting evening. Rin showed me to a tidily prepared bedroom adjacent to hers and helped me unpack my toiletries in the bathroom. We brushed our teeth together before exchanging good nights.

I changed into my old, blue striped pajamas and wasted no time flopping into bed. The room was small like the rest of the house, but also well-arranged and more cozy than cramped. The blankets smelled freshly washed, which was both pleasant and somehow lonely. There was something almost impersonal about the generic flower scent. This room had obviously not been lived in for a long time, or else had all the signs of living scrubbed and dusted and wiped away. It was something akin to a sterilized hospital room: clean and safe and not one bit friendly. I would discover the next morning that such thoughts were just late night loneliness and it was actually an agreeable, comfortable room, but for the time being, I stared up at the empty darkness and—despite my prior sleepiness—found myself suddenly unable to fall asleep.

My mind eventually wandered to how surprisingly smooth my first day had gone. There were so many opportunities for everything to go wrong, and in the end, nothing really did. The worst thing that had happened was probably just the untimely death of my overpriced airport chocolate. Of course, being an optimist, I fancied that something horrible was sure to happen tomorrow to balance out my surplus of luck today. Maybe Mom and Rin were putting on a happy front because they felt obligated? Maybe I'd feel in the way or end up bored? Maybe I'd get homesick and miss Auntie?

These fearful musings added another couple hours of restless tossing to my night, and I don't really know how long it took before my body finally gave up on my mind and did a force shutdown.

* * *

><p>The next couple of days went by peacefully. I passed time by helping Mom with chores and cooking, or by playing video games with Rin. She introduced me to an online game that she played with a couple of her friends at school, and I got sucked in pretty quickly. I had always liked games as much as the next guy, but as I never had anyone to play with, I never really got addicted. Sitting my laptop next to Rin's computer and playing back to back, on the other hand, added a whole new dynamic.<p>

By the end of the week, my knight was already catching up to Rin's level. I never heard the end of her complaints on how it had taken her months to get that far and I was only doing so well because I had her there to teach me. Her complaints were all in jest, though, because almost every evening she would still ask me if I was in the mood for helping her finish another quest.

Of course, we did things other than playing games. Rin lent me some of her books and comics, so every now and then we sat on the sofa and read together. She and Mom also apparently had a passion for movies, so we went through several VHS recordings of television airings and maybe one DVD (Mom explained that DVDs were expensive and she only bought her absolute favorites). On Sunday, Rin let me tag along to her rhythmic gymnastic team's practice session. I knew absolutely nothing about the sport, but it was impressive enough to watch. Rin was unexpectedly coordinated.

By the beginning of the second week, I noticed that I was still having sleeping issues. Was that normal? Having never traveled so far before, I didn't know how long jet lag was supposed to lag, but this seemed like too much. One night, I finally got fed up and sneaked out of bed at midnight to go peek in on Rin and see if she was awake. Mom went to bed early and woke up early, so I didn't want to bother her.

I shifted about indecisively before rapping my knuckles against her door, hoping it was loud enough to get her attention if she was awake, but quiet enough to not disturb her if she was sleeping. To my relief, the door clicked open to reveal a wide awake Rin.

"Huh, Len? Is something wrong?"

I suddenly felt rather embarrassed to go crawling to my sister like a small child. I was sixteen, not six! But it was too late to turn back. "Um… sorry, I hope I'm not bugging you…"

"Not at all," she said quickly, opening the door wider, gesturing for me to come in. I entered with some hesitance. The lights were slightly dimmed, but still enough for me to easily pick my way across the mess of clothes and books on the floor and find my way to her bed. She sat next to me and waited for me to explain my sudden presence.

"Umm, sorry," I repeated without thinking about it. "It's just that, I've been unable to sleep much since I've gotten here, and… I don't know, I just wanted to talk to someone."

Rin nodded understandingly. "Aww, I'm sorry. You should have told me or Mom sooner. I noticed you seemed kind of sleepy the last few days. You almost fell asleep during my practice, haha! I thought we were boring you."

"No, no!" I waved my hands back and forth. "Not at all. I've just, I dunno, I thought it was jet lag, but it's just been so hard to fall asleep…"

"Yeah? Well, is it the unfamiliar bed? I know when I stayed at a hotel once, I couldn't sleep because the pillow felt different from mine."

I shrugged. "I brought my pillow from home, and the mattress is comfortable enough. I don't really know. I can't think of what would be keeping me up."

Rin hummed thoughtfully. "Geez, I'm sorry. I don't know what I can do."

I was secretly a little disappointed that she didn't think of anything, but I concealed my disappointment under a smile. "It's okay. Thanks for talking to me, anyway."

"No problem."

I stood up with a small sigh. "I guess I should go now."

A small hand caught the hem of my shirt. "You don't have to."

* * *

><p>I woke up the next morning feeling well rested and a little displaced. It took me a full three minutes to get myself upright and realize I was not in my own bed. It took me another minute in my half-asleep state to realize that it was Rin's. I blinked rapidly, wondering how I had ended up here. I looked around and spotted Rin at her desk, tapping away at her keyboard. She turned at the sound of rustling sheets and smiled at me.<p>

"Good morning, sleepyhead," she greeted in a jokingly accusing tone. "Do you remember _anything_you said last night?"

Last night? I thought hard. My short term memory yielded no results. I remembered coming to Rin for sleeping advice and nothing after that.

"Geez, you started to get really delirious and babbled on and on about how much you hate school. Then you fell asleep on my bed. I had to sleep in my computer chair."

I bit my bottom lip in embarrassment and supposed that I didn't function very well without plenty of sleep. A part of me was tempted to ask what all I had said while I was drunk on sleep deprivation, but I ended up deciding that maybe it was better if I just didn't know. "Wow, I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to fall asleep in here…"

Rin just smiled. "It's okay. You needed it, right? I'm glad I was able to help. Sorta. Plus I got to hear all your darkest secrets, heh heh heh."

"Wait, WH-WHAT? What did you _hear_?"

"Haha, too bad! You should know, you're the one who told me!"


	4. brief conclusion

**AN:** Ah, well.

I put that I abandoned this, which I have. But I had this chapter hanging, half-finished, and I know some people wanted to know where this story was going. So, here is the **unfinished** (and very old, I might add) WIP of chapter four, accompanied at the end by a very brief summary of what I had planned to write for the remainder of the story. I apologize to those who got invested in this, only to have me abandon it… I just really lost my inspiration. This is the least I could do to provide you guys with closure. I really am sorry!

* * *

><p><em>"I guess I should go now."<em>

_"You don't have to."_

_Without thinking, Rin seized the hem of his shirt. What she really meant was 'don't go.' She knew that Len was disappointed in her for doing absolutely nothing to allay his concerns, and she felt guilty. Of course his presence was something she had to get used to, but he was adjusting to far more than she was. A new mother, a new sister, a new house, a new bed, a new city, a new timezone. Nothing here was familiar to him, and some sleep loss seemed like a pretty natural response. But what could she do to help?_

_"Are you sure?" he questioned with big eyes. The unnatural way he was forcing his heavy eyelids to stay open made him look delirious._

_"Yeah. Just hang out for a bit, okay? Maybe if we chat a while, you'll feel more relaxed and be able to go to sleep more easily." Maybe not, but it was the least she could do._

_Len went back to sitting next to her, but he was only upright for about five seconds before he flopped down onto his back, the energy to sit up escaping him like air from a punctured balloon. He noticed that the blankets surrounding him smelled like Rin: warm and citrusy._

_"So, what's your school like?" Rin asked after considering what the most generic topic she could come up with would be. She had asked a lot about him already, but school was put completely out of her head until just now. (After all, who really wants to think about school during summer vacation?)_

_"It's alright, I guess," Len mumbled languidly, his energy levels quickly bottoming out. "I'm okay with math and essays and stuff."_

_Rin took on a soft tone, trying to make herself as relaxing as possible for the poor insomniac. "Yeah? Were you in any clubs?"_

_"Mm, no."_

_"Oh, really? That's too bad. Clubs are pretty fun sometimes."_

_"Mmm." Len was now staring at her ceiling through half-lidded eyes. Aside from the mandatory rising and falling of his chest, he was as still as a dead person. Rin wondered if he was already asleep._

_"Len?"_

_"Mmhm." Apparently not quite yet. He was fading fast, though._

_"So, um, how about friends? You haven't told me about any of your friends from back home yet."_

_Len's nose twitched a bit, and then he went back to being a dead body. His lips were the only thing that voluntarily moved, and even their movement was so slight that looked like mere twitching. "Mmnnn. I didn't really…"_

_"Didn't really…?"_

_"Uhh… have any… friends. I guess… Ritsu… was alright sometimes… Kind of a jerk though…"_

_Rin's eyebrows scrunched together. No friends? How was it possible to go through an entire grade and not make a single friend? She couldn't comprehend that. "None at all? Wasn't there anyone you hung out with after school, or ate lunch together with, or studied with?"_

_"Studied… um… One time I helped this skinny guy cram for a test… Forgot his name. Maybe he never told me. Forgot what he looked like, too…"_

_A quizzical eyebrow shot up into the air. Rin was beginning to suspect that something terribly was wrong with her brother. What about him was so friend-repellent? Even the loneliest of loners had to have someone to confide to once in a while, right? And from her interactions with him, he didn't seem overly aloof or unsociable. There was no reason for him to be completely unlikeable by an entire school._

_Against her better judgment, she tentatively asked, "Is there any reason you didn't have any friends…?"_

_Silence. Rin panicked a little, worried that she offended him._

_"Len…?"_

_She thought maybe he was out now, but after a long pause, Len mumbled quietly, as if he were just talking in his sleep, "I was scared…"_

_The statement was almost immediately followed by deep breathing. Rin peeked over at the boy, and of course, he was fast asleep. It was almost like he had been waiting to finish the conversation before crashing. Rin felt a strange mixture of accomplishment and renewed guilt. At least she had cured his insomnia for the night, but on the other hand, she couldn't shake the feeling that she had just taken advantage of his half-conscious state of mind. She felt she might have heard something he normally would not have wanted for her to hear._

_When she asked him the next morning whether or not he remembered the events, he confirmed her suspicions. She teased him about it as a reflex, but in reality, Rin was worried._

_Why was Len scared of friends?_

* * *

><p>"Len, get dressed!" Rin declared one morning, practically knocking my door down. She had been kind of high in tension all week, like something was bothering her and she was making up for it by being freakishly cheerful. I thought maybe it was in my head though, so I didn't ask about it. Instead, I pushed my laptop aside and stared curiously at her.<p>

"Get dressed? I already have clothes on," I joked, just for the sake of being difficult.

She smacked me gently across the head and laughed. "Not pajamas, stupid," and I took her lighthearted insult with a surprising amount of gratitude; already being close enough for meaningless banter made us feel more like twins. "Casual clothes. Wear something cool and not tacky, okay? We're going out to the arcade with a friend of mine."

"Oh.. a friend?" Apprehension sneaked into my voice against my will, and I overlooked her jab at my fashion sense.

"Yeah! Don't worry, she's cool." Rin looked at my mirror and fidgeted needlessly with her ribbon. "Don't let her looks fool you, though! Teto might be tiny, but she's a lot older than she looks."

"Ah, yeah? How old…?"

She shrugged. "She won't tell me. A legal adult, at least."

"Hmm." I couldn't say I was too interested in this Teto's age. I was more preoccupied with being anxious, but what was so worrisome about meeting one of Rin's friends? I had already seen her gymnastics team, though I wasn't forced to directly socialize with any of them. I guess in a way, I feared the idea of putting off any of her social ring. My newfound friendship with Rin meant a lot to me, and I didn't want to jeopardize that by being stupid around people she had known for a lot longer than me. Rin was a regular social butterfly, and I would have hated to be the moron to pull out the bottom Jenga piece of her Tower of Friendship and send the whole thing toppling over.

It was an unreasonable, foolish way of thinking, and I tried to talk some sense into myself, but I still couldn't quite shake the apprehension. Nevertheless, Rin seemed enthusiastic about it, so I made my best effort to match her enthusiasm. I disappeared into my room for a few minutes to put on 'cool and not tacky' clothes and drag a brush through my unruly hair a few times. Hair jutted this way and that, and I was quick to give up on taming it before rejoining Rin at the front door.

"Mom, we're going now!" she announced, having apparently already briefed our mother on our plans for the day.

"Okay, have fun!" Mom replied from the kitchen, waving a hand high enough for us to see it over the half wall. I laughed a little at this childlike gesture, and we were on our way.

The first thing I noticed when we stepped outside was Rin's wardrobe switch. She had changed into a lacy little tank top that she usually only wore to bed,

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> And… yeah, that's where it left off. Midsentence. Haha.

After this, they were going to meet with Rin's friends, Teto and Tei. Despite all of Len's awkward shyness, Tei takes a liking to him. Over the next week or so, Tei continues making advances, and Len is startled. He explains to Rin that no one's ever openly 'liked' him before. He starts dreading leaving the house and refuses Rin's offerings for more outings with her friends. His clinginess is to be established.

There's a lot of mundane happenings. Rin teaches Len how to swim, they go shopping with their mom, Len continues to watch Rin's gymnastics practice. Rin begins to notice how Len's withdrawing from meeting new people, so against his will, she persuades him to go horseback riding with her and Miku. It goes well at first, but then the horse throws him, which gives him a mild back injury. Thus he stays at home even more than before. Rin coddles him and plays games with him while he recovers.

There's a brief time during this where Rin and Lily are unusually irritable and snappy with Len, which makes him feel like he's not wanted anymore. He dwells on this and works himself into a panic that eventually compels him to actually contact the girl he met on the plane (Miki) over the phone.

Once he explains the scenario in detail, Miki laughs and easily explains that the two women must be on their periods. Len is shocked and mortified, having never heard of such a thing before. The subject of his aunt comes up, and Miki asks, hasn't she ever exhibited signs of premenstrual syndrome before? Len thinks about it and says, no. But she does get hot flashes sometimes. Neither of them think much of this.

Len's back heals, and he helps around the house more than usual to make up for lost time. He has some interest in cooking, so his mom begins teaching him all sorts of kitchen tricks. I don't think there was any point to this, but it's here in my outline notes? Lol.

Eventually, they make plans to have a faux-birthday party for Rin and Len since they've never had one together, even though their actual birthday is far away. Rin invites several of her friends, and Len realizes that he feels rather off-put when she ignores him in favor of her friends. He keeps the feeling to himself and tries to enjoy the party, attempting to rationalize the thought by reminding himself that they're twins. Perhaps the bad feeling is just a part of their twin intimacy, that having her gone is like having a piece of himself missing.

Yet somehow, he can't shake the feeling that it feels like there's more to that. A boy (I never really decided who, just some boy Rin knows from school) makes advances on Rin, and this ruffles Len up even more than before. Rin turns the boy down gracefully, but the animosity in Len's mind remains.

Always one to over think things, he becomes scared of his own emotions. He doesn't understand why he's being so possessive over his sister, why the idea of competing for her attention is so unsettling, and up until this point, there's been several instances where he's caught himself thinking of her as attractive. He becomes deeply disgusted with himself for reasons he can't explain.

He calls his aunt to allay his fretting, and he doesn't talk to her directly about the issue, but she catches on to his brief allusions. Meiko reminds Len that being dependent on someone can feel nice, but in large doses, can also be unhealthy. Len takes her advice to heart.

Still, the attraction is an issue.

Rin takes Len out rollerskating, and now that he's more aware of the fact that he finds Rin attractive, any kind of contact with her flusters him. He's so cagey and antsy the whole day, Rin mistakes his behavior as him being angry with her. He explains that it's far from that, but doesn't admit to his internal conflict. Instead, he brushes her off with the explanation that he's sad that summer's almost over, and that he'll miss her and their mother when he has to leave.

Rin accepts this explanation dubiously but still presses on the subject of Len avoiding friendships when he seems so outwardly easy to get along with. Len finally admits that, as a child, he got the misconception in his head that their mother had sent him away because he was somehow inherently bad and did not deserve parental care. From this misconception spawned the idea that his worth was low, and he grew to dread befriending others. In his early years of school, other children picked on him for his introversion, which only solidified the low self-worth for him. Rin apologizes and tells him that he's worth the world to her.

One evening, Rin, Len, and their mother look through some old photo albums that Lily's kept over the years. They delve further and further back, until a photo of a younger Meiko and Kaito in front of a crib surfaces. Lily visibly tenses, and Len asks about it.

Lily explains that Meiko experienced a type of infertility (Robertsonian Translocation) that caused a spontaneous abortion. After that, Meiko did not try again for a child, and a few years later, she began experiencing incredibly premature menopause. It was partly for this reason that Lily had been willing to allow the baby Len to stay with Meiko for so long. She felt that Meiko deserved a child of her own, and once Meiko became so attached to Len and vice versa, Lily thought it would be selfish of her to ask for him back.

They all have an emotional hugfest, etc. etc. Len feels a huge weight off his heart knowing that his mom never intended to abandon him. Later on, before bedtime, when they are alone, Rin happily tells Len that, see, he always had great worth, that he was a blessing to Meiko. She says she's just jealous that Meiko got to keep him all to herself for so many years, which they both laugh about.

But Len thinks about it more.

After this, I didn't have as detailed of an outline. Len and Rin continue to have fun together. But Len is still concerned about his unusual attachment to her, so, stumped again, he contacts Miki. He has a long, honest conversation with her, and she reveals that she traveled to this city to visit her boyfriend, who is ten years older than her. She tells Len that their relationship has always been a secret, because people look down upon them for external circumstances. Yet she is at her happiest with him, and she encourages Len to assess his feelings as literally as possible, to throw away society's constructs of 'acceptable' relationships.

Len comes to the conclusion that he has romantic feelings towards Rin, but he still tries to suppress them afterwards. On a day when Rin is busy, he does some brief research on incestuous relationships. He realizes that, having been apart from Rin for the majority of their lives, he's not been imprinted with the Westermarck effect, thus explaining his lack of repulsion towards the idea of a relationship with his own sister.

After a lot of floundering, Len eventually tells Rin how he feels. He apologizes and says that he'll understand that it's only natural she shouldn't feel the same way. He begs her not to tell their mom or aunt.

But she _does_ feel the same way, she reveals, and therein lies a bigger problem. Len had thought up until this point that she wouldn't return his feelings, and therefore he'd be forced to forget about it after time, but with her reciprocating the feelings, he can't simply forget about her.

The end of summer comes, and Len must go home. In the privacy of Rin's locked bedroom, they exchange a goodbye kiss that is not familial. They're both scared. They part, but promise to keep in touch, to make up for all the lost time. Len returns to Meiko with mixed feelings. Happier now, knowing that he has worth, that he doesn't need to be afraid of himself or his peers, and a lot of this newfound confidence is largely thanks to Rin. But melancholy, because he's far away from the one he loves, and can most likely never have a normal relationship with.

One last time, he calls Miki, and she tells him that on the last day of summer, her boyfriend proposed to her, and she couldn't be happier. Len wishes her well. He considers his future.

In the end, he decides that he'll work hard. He'll do well in school, make friends, and become a healthier individual. He'll keep in contact with Rin. He'll grow into a respectable adult and whisk Rin away. And they'll still probably never be granted a "normal" relationship, but if he can just be with her and kiss her behind closed doors once more, then it'll be worth the effort.

That's the end. Yeah… Again, I really am sorry for abandoning this. I have my reasons, but they're personal. Thanks for bearing with me.


End file.
